When I was 6 years old I started taking Karate classes at Santamaria's in Killeen. I saw Chuck Norris there. I had a polaroid taken with him. My parents took me out of Karate classes after I started showing a lack of interest 'cause that shit was expensive. This was around '83 or '84. Chuck Norris was about to do the Missing In Action movie around this time. I have always liked most of the early Chuck Norris movies. Most of my friends made fun of them, but I didn't give a fuck. Me and my friend Kevin were WAY into them. One time, he was like- "Chuck Norris movies are always good". Not too many people would say that out loud, but my friend was being serious when he said that, and that's kind of bad-ass. Whenever I see Chuck Norris movies nowadays Kevin's endorsement always rings in my mind. It's kind of what prompted me to go on a Norris-renting spree over the last couple of months. Here's some that I like a lot.
Future Kill is a movie that I watched when it first came out on VHS. At the time I had no idea that two of the people from Texas Chainsaw Massacre were in it. Ed Neal (the crazy hitchiker brother of Leatherface) plays Splatter, the armored bad guy who kills most things in his path. He shoots drugs and calls people "stupid fuckin' bitches". Marilyn Burns (the girl who survives in Texas Chainsaw) plays Dorothy Grim, the lady who helps the frat boys elude the rogueish street gangs. There's really no point to this movie. Just people running around with eye makeup on in alleyways. There's drugs, random stabbings, street trash, and punk music (including a song from the Big Boys on the soundtrack). This movie was shot in Austin, TX in 1983 / 1984. It's odd to see what the city looked like back then. Red River looks like a ghost town. One scene is shot at The old Ritz on 6th St. (which is now the Alamo Drafthouse Theater), a punk band is playing while people get stabbed in the back of the head. It's weird to think that this was made 25 years ago. Terrifying actually. Available at I Luv Video on Airport on VHS.
Do you remember discovering the Sho Kosugi ninja movies in the 80's? If you don't, you missed out, but here's your chance to catch up. The first was Enter The Ninja, starring the great Italian actor Franco Nero as the white ninja. Sho Kosugi actually plays the bad ninja in this movie. It's a classic, but probably not as action-packed as the next two to come. Revenge Of The Ninja came next and packed a serious punch with the action movie fans. It was way more violent and fast-paced. The ninja fight scenes were more original and filmed better. By the time the third installation was conceived, the ante had been upped and we needed something crazy to keep our interest in the series. Ninja III: The Domination was just what the doctor ordred. It's about the white girl from the "Breakin" movies getting possessed by an evil grey ninja who went crazy killing a bunch of rich people at a golf course. This film plays like a great 70's Marvel comic book. There's a surreal sex scene involving a can of hot n' spicy V8 juice that's semi-nauseating but great. All of the supernatural posession scenes are great, kind of like The Exorcist mixed with an old episode of Kung Fu. This was originally released by Cannon and is only available on VHS at I Luv Video on Airport.
Black Samurai is great. It's one of the last Jim Kelly movies that I actually watched but I've known about it since I was about 8 years old. I always wanted to rent it from Video Movies Unlimited in Harker Heights when I was a kid, but probably rented something dumb like Make Them Die Slowly or Rawhead Rex instead. Jim Kelly pulls people's arms back and kicks their spine! He's usually sporting a suede jogging outfit at any given time. His sidekick looks like Rick Reed. For some strange reason, Dan actually sat down with me and watched this movie. The scene where Jim Kelly fights a hawk is crazy. He boxes it. Right after this movie came out, Al Adamson worked with Jim Kelly again in another trashy masterpiece known as Death Dimension (aka Freeze Bomb, or The Kill Factor). There's a clamshell VHS version of Black Samurai on Video Gems. I just rented the DVD from I Luv Video on Airport. There's a scene with a dungeon full of cobras in this movie. Available at Vulcan and I Luv Video.
NOTE: The second I was done posting this blog, I looked up and saw Jim Kelly on the TV screen. Dan was changing channels and Enter The Dragon was on. How weird.
If you haven't seen the original version of Zu Warriors Of The Magic Mountain, you're in for some shit.There's a good DVD version that Tai Seng put out, but the VHS version looks great also. Really good for when you have friends over that can shut the fuck up during a movie.
Wavelength is a movie that used to come on TV a lot when I was a kid. It's pretty entertaining. Robert Carradine from Revenge Of The Nerds is in it and so is the fabulously trashy looking Cherie Currie from the 70's all-girl rock band the Runaways. Currie's character can hear voices coming from what turns out to be a secret underground Air Force bunker in the Hollywood hills. Her and her boyfriend go investigate inside the bunker one night and get caught. They learn that the voices she was hearing are coming from 3 aliens that are being kept alive in a chamber within the bunker. The people in charge of the bunker try to bury her and her boyfriend alive with the aliens. The boyfriend helps the aliens escape and then they all flee out to the desert. There's not too much action, but there's plenty of weirdness including a psychedelic scene where the aliens are using mirrors to soak up the sun's energy out in the desert. There's also a great synthesizer score done by Tangerine Dream. All in all not a mind-blower, but definitely worth checking out for 80's trash pleasure alone. Available at I Luv Video on VHS in the Sci-Fi section.
This movie is so out of control I don't even know where to begin. It may be one of the greatest 80's movies ever made. It's main stars are John Stamos, Vanity, and Gene Simmons (playing a psychotic hermaphrodite). Simmons' character Velvet Von Ragnar is trying to take over the country by poisoning all of the nation's drinking water. He looks like a cross between Patti Labelle and Divine. He has a long, sharpened fingernail that he stabs people with. He does a drag routine at a club wearing this hideous Vegas / Rockettes outfit and sings a song that is so bad it's hard to watch in the privacy of your own home. John Stamos plays Lance Stargrove, a gymnast who lives in a college dorm with a nerd roommate who invents weapons and wears neon clothing. Vanity plays the role of Danja Deering, driving a nice Corvette, kicking ass and killing bad guys. Stargrove's dad is killed by Von Ragnar and afterwards he inherits his farm. While there, he loads up on uzi's and has sex with Danja. His nerd roomate shows up and they cruise around on a crotch rocket killing bad guys. Von Ragnar keeps going back and forth between being a man and a woman and every scene with him in it is surreal. I was having nightmares with his character in them last night because of this movie. I think Gene Simmons is really embarrassed by his role in this film, because it's never been put on DVD and all the clips on youtube have been pulled. It's a shame because I think this movie would really blow people's minds. I mean, it's really, really insane. I've never seen anything like it. So fucking recommended!! Only available on VHS at I Luv Video on Airport.
UPDATE: I just realized that this incredible movie will be playing at the Alamo Ritz theater for Terror Tuesday on April 7th at 10:15. Now all of you can see it. If you don't show up, you're missing out! Here's Zack's review: Here
